Amoral
by J.W.Melmoth
Summary: Kurtbastian : Set after The Break-Up but before NYADA and Adam. Kurt is lonely, Sebastian is there. Sounds like a plan? Written for a self-set Kurt Hummel challenge to include 1 random dictionary word per day for 30 days. Dictionary word: Amoral.


**Pairing**: Kurtbastian  
**Words**: 1236 - part I  
**Genre**: general / angst / sexy times  
**Rating**: PG  
**Summary**: Set after The Break-Up but before NYADA and Adam. Kurt is lonely, Sebastian is there. Sounds like a plan?

**Amoral  
**

It happened shortly after Christmas, when Kurt's nights were laced with Ambien and his days blurred together into a patchwork of 'how did I get here's and 'when did I order this'? Lying awake thinking about what he could have done differently with Blaine pushed him beyond the point of exhaustion, and eventhough he knew he really ought to get a grip soon (the second NYADA semester- his first- would start in a week and he had several months to catch up with and should really be doing everything in his power to get fit for the challenge), nothing he tried was working. As much as he tried to think ahead and get over Blaine, Kurt kept ending up watching their old movies and mouthing along his part of the lines into the unforgiving darkness of the night, waiting for the answers that didn't come. He hardly ate. He sleep-shopped. Not even the city of New York, which had seemed full of promise only months ago, cheered him up. All Kurt could see were the places he had imagined to go with Blaine; little parts of their future that were lost now. They had no magic when he passed them by alone.

It was in such a hazy state that he made his way into the crowded subway, keeping his drooping eyes to the floor and trusting his subconscious to know where to get off. He had made the trip from the Vogue office back to Bushwick often enough without paying attention and had only ended up on the other side of the city once or twice. More and more people shuffled in, pushing ever forward into his personal space, but Kurt didn't have the energy to care. He simply stepped back to make room, intending to blend into the wall behind him.

Only it wasn't a wall. It was a person.

The man behind him was a little taller than him, and Kurt felt the huff of a breath on his cheekbone as the guy breathed out on the impact. He smelled like a nondescript aftershave and a hint of sweat- which (given the amount of people on the train and the way they were fogging up the glass) wasn't that surprising. Kurt was about to apologize when the cart made a lurch to the side, turning a corner sharply in one of the tunnels, and he literally fell into the man's arms. Kurt stepped on someone's foot as he tried to balance out and would have fallen if it wasn't for the gloved hand cinching around his waist, pulling him back against the stranger's chest and holding him up until he had found his footing. Kurt allowed himself a few seconds of comfort, closing his eyes and imagining it was Blaine keeping him safe. It didn't work. The man smelled wrong, and he was too tall anyway. It hurt more than it helped and Kurt made himself return to the present.

"Thank you. I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention, I'm asleep on my feet, dead man walking, I'm afraid- _hey_!" Kurt propelled himself away from the other man and spun around as good as he could within the crowd to glare at him. The hand that had been holding him up so helpfully moments before had wandered to his thigh, squeezing softly, and Kurt had distinctly felt the man's groin brush against his back. He suddenly felt more awake than he had in weeks.

"What the hell do you think—" He broke off suddenly. "_Sebastian_?"

_No. No, no no._ Of all people who could have groped him on the subway, it had to be the one person he least wanted to see.

"Kurt Hummel. Now here's a surprise," the other boy said, flashing Kurt his trademark smirk. "Daydreaming of Ohio, are you?" His green eyes glittered.

"None of your business," Kurt bit back, refusing to admit even to himself that only moments before, he _had_ been daydreaming. "What are you doing in New York?" he asked instead. "Besides getting your rocks off feeling people up in crowded places, I mean?"

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "None of _your_ business," he deadpanned. "And trust me, if I had known it was you, I wouldn't have done that."

"Oh?" Kurt found himself asking despite himself. "Why not? What's wrong with me?"

Sebastian chuckled. "You can't be prissy and needy at the same time, Kurt. Make up your mind." He looked the other up and down. "Blaine's been letting the line a little slack, I see."

"Fuck you," Kurt replied crudely, suddenly not interested in the conversation anymore. Either Sebastian knew about the break-up (Blaine still hadn't officially changed his facebook status, which both annoyed and comforted Kurt some nights) and he was just rubbing it in, or he didn't know and was making some other mean assumption based on his haggard look. Kurt didn't need either.

"I would, but I doubt you'd let me," Sebastian said, smiling falsely. Kurt sighed with exasperation.

"Still the same **amoral** little shit, I see," he stated.

"Still on your prudish high horse, I see," Sebastian replied. "Even in the big city."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I don't see why refusing a proposition from the sleaziest person in New York makes me a prude. It just makes me a sensible person."

Sebastian shrugged. "I see you haven't met many New Yorkers," he mumbled, and his eyes shaded over for a moment. It caught Kurt's attention, but he dismissed it quickly. Whatever _that_ was, he wasn't interested. The subway made another jolt and pushed them together again, almost as if it was trying to make a point. This time Kurt was better prepared and brought up his hands between them, holding himself away from Sebastian's chest. It didn't stop him from inhaling his scent again though, and it suddenly occurred to him that the last time he had been this close to anyone physically was when Blaine hugged him goodbye at the airport. He brushed his fingers down Sebastian's coat.

"If you are ready feeling _me_ up, Kurt. I have to get off at the next stop," Sebastian said, his voice low and close to his ear.

Kurt blushed fiercely, and a wild and unfamiliar recklessness took hold of him. Of all the things he could do, this was probably the dumbest. But would he really feel any worse afterwards than if he went home alone and spent another night lip-synching The Notebook?

"Okay," he said, more to himself than to Sebastian, not letting go of the other boy's lapels. "Can I come with you?"

For a moment, he wasn't sure if Sebastian had heard him. He was about to pretend he hadn't said anything and step away to let Sebastian pass, when he replied.

"Why?"

_Because I am tired. Because I hurt. Because I hate you just a little more than I hate myself, and that feels like giving myself a break. Because I am so desperately lonely that even this will do._

"You offered. Backing out, Smythe?" Kurt asked, cocking his head and glancing up at the face that was so close to him. Sebastian stared down into his eyes for a few seconds, and Kurt braced himself for rejection. It didn't matter. It couldn't possibly hurt more than he already did.

"Backing out? Me? Never," Sebastian replied, and the doors of the subway opened.

**End of Part I**

(Part II is called "Rationalize" and can be found on my tumblr due to its NC17 rating, sorry about that! Find me there under jwmelmoth and check the tag '30 days kurt challenge')


End file.
